Emptiness*Loneliness

Days go by
The alarm goes on
I lie in the bed
staring up the ceiling
Feel a total emptiness

The same things
day in
and
day out
Every second with total emptiness

I do things I love
but the emptiness inside is still there
I keep smiling
But the emptiness is still there
Sometimes even painful

I am fortunate to have good friends,
but unfortnately at the times
where i am feeling my lowest
no one is there
And I realise the painful truth

The truth which i often forget
which is that I only have myself
and that I will always be alone
This loneliness is what I have
lived with for most of my lifetime

Still I so much wish
that one day I will wake up
and feel contentment
Loved
Cared for
Unconditionally...

Each night
I avoid going to bed early
Because of fear
of painful memories
Because of determination
that I do not want to cry

Each day is started with
an emptiness
Each night is ended with
pain of loneliness
I feel at times, I am not living
Just an exsisting body of flesh and blood...